


Well... How Did I Get Here?

by One and Five Nines (Obani)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amnesia, Bottom Steve Rogers, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Top Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-01-21 01:52:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12447000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obani/pseuds/One%20and%20Five%20Nines
Summary: Many years in the future, Tony Stark wakes up with no memory of anything that happened after the fight in Siberia. While his future self might have learned how to forgive Steve Rogers and the rest of Team Cap, Tony's not ready just yet.





	1. Chapter 1

            Of all the things that had hurt Tony in his life, this was by far the worst. Watching his mother cry, hearing her choke. The recognition in his father’s eyes when he saw who his killer was. Everything he and Dad never got to talk about, to even try to fix. The person he might have been if his Mom had lived.

            Steve knew. Steve had known for years.

            And in the end he’d chosen Barnes, the man who’d murdered Tony’s parents, over everything. Not just Tony, but their whole life together. The Avengers, their friendship. All of it was gone when Steve slammed his shield into Tony’s breastplate, shattering the arc reactor and cracking a few ribs with a sickening _crunch_.

            Tony sat up in bed, gasping. He could still feel where the shield had slammed into his chest. No, it was worse. It was like the metal had actually gone through the armor and into his sternum. God, he could feel it. The open wound. No, really, he could feel the metal inside him. His breath started to hitch. Why could he feel metal inside him?

            Tony cried out in spite of himself and looked down. His chest was bare and there, sunk into his flesh, was another arc reactor, like some kind of nightmare come back from the dead. He scratched at his chest before he knew what he was doing, hoping he could make the illusion disappear by touching it, but his fingers scraped against very tangible metal. Vaguely he realized that he was still screaming.

            “Tony? Tony, what’s going on?”

            A sleepy, half-aware voice came from Tony’s left, but not just any voice. Tony turned and… oh god. He launched himself out of bed, tripping as he did so and ending up on the floor. Still, he scrambled away; trying to put as much distance as possible between himself and… he didn’t understand. Why the hell was _Steve Rogers_ in bed with him? Whose bed was this? Where was he?

            “Is this… it is. Hang on.” Steve’s eyes opened fully and he pushed himself into a sitting position, “Look, whatever you think is happening, _you’re okay._ ”

            Tony started laughing sardonically, manically, because there was a hole in his chest and he’d woken up next to the person he trusted least in the world and he was far, far from _okay_. He pressed himself against the wall, and found it was glass, cold against his bare skin. At least he was wearing pants.

            “You have amnesia.” Steve continued, slowly, carefully, “You might not know who I am right now-“

            “I know you, _Rogers_.” Tony barked, hoping his words could bite enough to act as a physical defense. Steve had started to move across the bed towards him, but stopped, apparently realizing that Tony didn’t want Steve anywhere near him. Tony’s eyes darted to the door on the far side of the room. He’d have to somehow get around Steve in order to escape.

            “Rogers…” Steve said, somewhat bemusedly, as if he’d forgotten his own name. He scrubbed at his face with his hand, a look almost like _fear_ in his eyes, “Ok. Ok. This is probably fine. What… what year do you think it is?”

            Tony didn’t answer, just glowered at Steve. If he could just get on his suit, he could blast out the window to safety, but where _was_ his suit? Where was _Tony?_

            “Tony, please, I just want to help you. I know-“ Steve began, and then seemed to have to steel himself, “I know you’re angry at me. I just need to know why. Because you’ve been angry at me for a lot of different reasons over the years, and…” Steve swallowed. It looked painful. _Good_ , “I need you to tell me which this is so I know how to make it right.”

            Tony curled in on himself and grabbed a fistful of his hair, letting the little bit of pain ground him. He couldn’t fall apart. Not in front of Rogers, “You… can’t make this right.” He gasped, “You can’t ever make this right.”

There was a very long, heavy pause. Tony stared down at the carpet, trying to fit the pieces he had into a coherent picture. Did he really have amnesia? How much time was he missing? Or was this all just another one of Steve’s lies? In that case, what was Cap hiding? Why were they… why were they in bed together? He tried to remember (because he didn’t want to look up) what Steve looked like, and… he did seem a little older. Maybe. It was too dark to tell, really. His hair was longer, definitely.

Finally, he heard Steve speak, “How long ago was Siberia?”

Then the cold from the window was far too much, cutting through him like that goddamn shield. He couldn’t speak. He was choking on the words, choking to death, _choking to death,_ and his vision went white and hazy like an endless snowscape and the cold from the window was too much and freezing all the metal inside the hole in his body, and he was shaking so bad from the cold that he couldn’t breathe and he was choking to death-

“Tony, please, let me help you.”

Tony heard bedsprings shifting, Steve moving towards him, and his hands shot up defensively.

“No! No, god, no. Don’t come any closer.”

After a pause, Tony heard Steve say, shakily, “You need- I should… I’ll leave. I’ll leave the room and then you’ll be safe, okay? I’m not going to touch you.”

As Steve spoke, the sound of bedsprings moved away, and then his voice moved away. The door opened.

“If you need anything, FRIDAY is… and I’ll be just… It’ll be alright. You’re in a safe place, Tony.”

And then the door closed. The hammering in Tony’s chest calmed down a little. Slowly, his sight returned, and he was back to looking at the carpet. It was over, but he knew from experience he’d be feeling the effects of it all day.

He’d messed up. He’d gone to pieces in front of Rogers, showed weakness. Cap had the upper hand now. Tony was trapped in this room. For all he knew, Cap was right outside the door, waiting. What was his angle? What was he trying to gain?

Tony had too many questions. What he needed to do was break the problem down into smaller pieces. First things first, he could see if Steve’s amnesia story checked out. Tony stood up on his shaky legs, telling himself he was fine, that this was fine. Getting off the ground wasn’t as easy as he’d expected. He was stiff, and his mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was stiff because he was _old_. Maybe. He turned to look at the window behind him. The glass was dark, and Tony could see the dim, ghostly image of his reflection in it.         

Christ, okay, he had to be scientific about this. Detached. Don’t panic. Tony took a breath. He _was_ older, that was obvious. There were large patches of white in his goatee and streaks of it throughout his hair. The lines in his face had deepened noticeably, so he was significantly older. Maybe a decade, maybe a little more. It seemed that Steve had been telling the truth.

Tony pulled away from the window. The air coming off the glass was just too cold.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who may be curious or concerned, I'm very much pro-Steve and pro-Tony, so there's not gonna be too much grovelling on either side. I might not portray everything exactly the way you'd like, but everything I do comes from a place of love for both characters. All the characters really. I just... Love the MCU.

“FRIDAY, you there?” Tony said into the empty bedroom. It had taken him some time to process what was happening, and in that time the sun had begun to rise, shedding soft light on Tony’s surroundings. The room was decorated to suit Tony’s contemporary style, but something about it seemed off, and Tony couldn’t quite place what. It was… the layout of the furniture, maybe, which was a little too traditional for his tastes, almost as if he’d had to compromise. No, that couldn’t be right. That didn’t make sense.

“Right here, Boss.” FRIDAY’S disembodied voice answered, and Tony felt a deep surge of relief. He had at least one person on his side now.

“Help me out here. Where am I?” Tony looked out the window, now brightly lit by the rising sun, and saw trees. Just… a lot of trees. Not a single skyscraper in sight. In fact, there wasn’t a single building a far as the eye could see.

“Do you want me to tell you your home address, or are you interested in knowing your position relative to the rest of the house?” FRIDAY asked.

“Never mind, that answers the question.” Tony felt a little sick. Wherever he was, this place was _home_ to him. Why was Steve in his home? In his _bed_?

Thinking the freshly illuminated room might hold some answers to the millions of questions popping into his head, Tony started searching around, trying hard to ignore the heavy feeling of the arc reactor as it shifted with his movements. He was far more comfortable examining the bed now that it was empty. He couldn’t be sure, but Tony thought the bedframe looked like his own design, like he’d built it himself. Just glancing at the structure, he knew it had been made to withstand… some kind of excessive force. There was no reason to speculate about what that force might be.

Tony walked over to one of the two nightstands, on which there sat an odd-looking little device. As soon as Tony picked it up, it activated and a holographic homescreen popped up. The thing was a cellphone, or whatever the future-equivalent of a cellphone might be. Tony knew that if he had a few minutes to examine it, he could have the thing figured out forwards and backwards. Hell, he’d almost certainly designed the thing in the first place, but this was a hostile environment. Whatever this thing was could be used to track him once he escaped. He set it back down where he’d found it.

Tony glanced across the bed over to the other nightstand, which was also being used. It held another of the cellphone-things, but also a small notebook and a few pencils. Seeing that filled Tony with a sudden urge to look literally anywhere else. His eyes scanned the room until they settled on a plush-looking loveseat in the corner next to a bookshelf filled with… actual paper books. He went over to leaf through them. There were a few of his favorite sci-fi novels in the collection, as well as a lot of high-fantasy books, both very new and very old. Steve read fantasy. Shit, Tony needed to look away again.

There was a wardrobe against one wall, the drawers all neatly closed. Tony almost opened one but thought better of it. He’d never used a wardrobe in his life, but maybe he’d started to at some point in the last decade. As long as he didn’t open any of the drawers, he could continue believing that was true. Instead, he turned his attention to the sliding door on his right, which opened to reveal a walk-in closet. A closet felt like more his speed. He ducked inside and peeked around. A lot of the clothes were new, but Tony grabbed an outfit he recognized and started to quickly undress. He had to get out of here.

Tony hadn’t noticed the bruises before, but once he was undressed it was impossible to miss the dark spots on the front of his thighs and small marks on his chest and collar. He inhaled sharply, but seeing his chest heave unnaturally around the metal circle embedded in his flesh only made things worse. He got dressed even faster than he had undressed and left the confines of the closet.

The large room wasn’t much better; Tony still felt trapped. Why did he have a bedroom door, anyway? Tony didn’t like doors. He preferred to have every room flow into the next seamlessly, liked for things to be open. He’d rather not be closed off and closed in.

The bed caught his eye again. There had to be some reason he and Steve were sharing. Some reason that _made sense,_ because Tony would never… and Steve didn’t… it was very likely that Steve didn’t have sex with _women_ , let alone men. There was _no reason_ to think Steve liked men… except that Tony’s brain began to supply him with evidence that Steve did, in fact, like men, and Tony had to force it silent. He headed into the bathroom, trying desperately to come up with some kind of non-horrifying explanation that took into account the wardrobe, and the paperbacks, and the sketchbook, and _Steve in his bed_.

The bathroom mirror reflected a great deal more detail than the window had. He was no longer the shadowy idea of an old man, he _was_ an old man. If he was totally honest with himself, Tony thought he might look even older than he’d originally suspected. He had to be close to 60, if he wasn’t already there. Laughing nervously, he ran his fingers through his hair, revealing more white. Why not just dye it? It made him look _so old_.

Still pondering his reflection, Tony went for his toothbrush and… his stomach lurched.

“FRIDAY, which toothbrush is mine?” Tony asked weakly. There were two of them in the holder. _Two toothbrushes._ That was a dead giveaway, wasn’t it?

“The blue one, Boss.”

Tony rammed the toothbrush into his mouth and started scrubbing aggressively. He was so stupid. It had always been so _obvious_. The way Steve looked at him sometimes, how he seemed to linger a little too long, always finding excuses to be close to Tony. How long had Tony been unconsciously ignoring Steve’s little crush on him? _Years?_ Tony had been with Pepper for as long as he and Steve had known each other. What gave Steve the right to have those feelings? Tony spat blood out of his mouth. Christ, If Steve had been in love with Tony for that long… he sure had an unusual way of expressing it. Tony left the bathroom wringing his hands. This still didn’t explain why they were sleeping together. Sure, Steve might love Tony, but how could Tony _ever_ …

 “Boss,” FRIDAY said, making Tony jolt with surprise. He’d forgotten he wasn’t alone. “You should know that you left yourself a video explaining what happened. It might help you to watch it.”

Tony huffed. “You’re just telling me this _now_?”

“Sorry, I thought you needed time to process everything.” FRIDAY explained, “Cap and I hadn’t really anticipated you sending him out of the room like that.”

“Oh, it’s _Cap and I_ now?” Tony snapped, shocking himself with how angry he was.

“Yes boss. Of course it is.” FRIDAY seemed taken aback, “You programmed me to respond to Cap’s orders as if they were your ow-“

“Mute FRIDAY.” Tony said cooly. Something about FRIDAY seeming to take Rogers’ side in all this was… unsettling.

He briefly considered just leaving without bothering to watch the video, but he also craved answers. If he could trust anyone to explain why he had amnesia and what the hell Rogers had done to him, it was himself, right? Tony sat down on his side of the bed. He had to trust himself.

“Ok, fine.” Tony blinked and rubbed his temples, “Show me the video. Let’s see what I have to say for myself.”

A holographic screen appeared in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere, and Tony fought to suppress his curiosity about the future tech. He could analyze it after. The video was of himself, the older version of himself, sitting at a desk in what appeared to be his workshop. As the first few seconds of video began to play, Tony noticed that he seemed anxious, frustrated, and wasn’t hiding it as well as Tony was used to.

“Okay, so if you’re watching this, chances are you don’t have much idea what’s going on.” The Tony on the video began. He smiled lamely, but Tony recognized the apprehension in his own eyes, “Hopefully, Steve explained everything but…”

The other Tony hesitated. He looked a little defeated, shoulders slumping while he stared briefly at the ground.

“There are certain points in your life where you might not want to talk to Captain America.” The other Tony snapped back up at the camera and went back to fake smiling. He shrugged in a way that was obviously supposed to exude carelessness, but Tony saw right through it. He was afraid.

“So I’ll go over everything, Readers Digest style. Just, to be totally thorough, you know?” Tony continued, “Ah, first of all, it’s 2029.”

That was thirteen years from what Tony last remembered. Holy shit.

“We’re not sure what year you’re gonna wake up from, or when you’ll forget. Because, weirdly enough I still don’t really _get_ magic. You’d think, after everything that’s happened, I’d have learned not to underestimate magic but here we are!” Tony dragged his hands across his face and moaned in a way that was half fake laughter and half genuine crying, and then sighed, “I just hope, in the future. You make smarter decisions about magic. I’m begging you.

“So, alright, I forgot to tell you what went down that made you forget everything, and skipped straight to giving you a lecture. I just- you might be like 16 at the youngest and I went straight into dad-mode… I’m still going on a tangent. Here’s what happened. Basically, we... and by ‘we’ I mean the Avengers, which is a team of people you work with to handle the things no single person could withstand… or something. Anyway we found a stash of illicit magical objects. I won’t bore you with the details because you won’t understand them, no offense. We’re chasing after this guy… girl. You might not even know who they are. It’s not important.

“Basically it was a routine mission. This person is not a major threat right now and none of this should have been an issue except _you_ , in your infinite wisdom, just went ahead and _touched_ one of the _very dangerous magical objects_. And we call ourselves a genius, right?” The Tony on the video glowered into the middle distance then pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling hard. “I’m not a total idiot here, okay? I thought the suit would protect me but- I mean, the Iron Man suit which is a special kind of armor I wear on these missions… god, there’s a lot of ground to cover. Jeez, ok, ah…

“Long story short, the suit did not protect me… you… _us_. We ended up being _cursed,_ so, obviously, we talked to the Sorcerer Supreme about it- oh, by the way, the _Sorcerer Supreme_ is a thing that exists, and the guy is actually a personal friend.” Tony gestured to his face, “We’re awesome facial hair bros! It’s great. He’s _definitely_ super into it. Anyway, he figured out that at _some_ unknown point in the next few weeks I am going to mentally revert to a previous version of myself, and that’s _you_. Welcome to the future! I’m… so sorry.

“Ugh, ok, this is getting bleak. I unloaded all the bad news first. Good news! There _is_ a cure. It’s…” At this point, the other Tony stopped, sighed and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, “It’s fairy tale rules. The only way to break the curse is to kiss the love of your life.” The other Tony stared into the camera, like he’d just been told a terrible joke. Tony stared right back at him, feeling equally as unamused, if not more so. “It’s _stupid_.”

The other Tony brightened up, “But it’s simple enough, right? The only catch is you have to actually be _in love_ when you do it. Now, depending on what year you’re coming from, you might think the love of your life is Pepper or Rumiko or, god forbid, _Tiberius_ and… it’s not. I know better than you, and the love of your life is Steve.” The other Tony’s mouth twitched, then twitched again, and finally he just let himself smile, a dreamy look in his eyes. The actual Tony was far less thrilled. This was not him. This was _not_ him. The video continued, “That’s your man. Trust me. I don’t wear… you’re not wearing a ring right now, but Steve and I are _married_ , ok? I chose _him_. Forever. He’s the only one. _He is the only one._ You _can’t_ love anyone else… not the way you love Steve. So don’t even try, yeah?”

Tony scoffed. This wasn’t him. There was no way. He stood up and started to pace around the room, letting the video run on in the background.

“Right, now you know what you have to do, so I’m just gonna cover the essentials. You can Google pretty much anything else.”

Nope. No. There was no way, even after thirteen years, that he was married to Steve Rogers. This was fake. Had to be.

“I guess if you’re from before ’98, then Steve can explain Google to you... That’s no big whoop.”

It was this room. This house. There was something about this _place_ that was causing this insane scenario. Tony had to get _out_.

“Here’s the big whoop though. You need to exit this room in a calm, rational state of mind because… please sit down for this. Are you sitting? Okay. Ohhhh-kaay… so you hav-“

“End playback.” Tony said, and the video stopped. He’d seen enough, and all that mattered was escaping this sideshow, “FRIDAY Show me how to get out of this place. What’s the quickest route to the garage? We still drive cars in 2029, right?”

FRIDAY didn’t answer, and Tony remembered that he had muted her. Fine. She could stay quiet. She was a traitor along with his future self and anyone else who’d gotten him into this mess.

The holographic screen changed to show a rough blueprint of the house with a glowing line leading from the bedroom to the garage. It was a pretty big house, and the garage was on the opposite end of it from the master bedroom. Tony would have to sneak through the whole downstairs without running into, god, his _husband_. It would be tough, but once he succeeded he would be home free. Or, just free, he supposed.

Tony opened the bedroom door warily, fully expecting Steve to be on the other side just waiting to manhandle Tony back into the room, but he was nowhere to be seen. Tony peeked around carefully. Steve wasn’t in the hallway.

“FRIDAY, where’s Cap?” Tony asked in a hushed voice. Another screen appeared, again out of nowhere, showing the map of the house and the glowing route Tony was following. A little blue star lit up in one of the downstairs rooms, perilously close to where Tony would have to walk in order to escape. That was fine. He’d just have to be quiet.

The downstairs was much more open-concept than the upstairs had been, and ordinarily, Tony would have found the space relaxing, freeing. Now, it just meant he could be spotted from all angles. It would be easy for Cap to catch him trying to make an escape, so Tony kept his eyes on his destination at the other end of the house, and focused on being quick and quiet. As he passed by the room Steve was supposedly in, Tony heard Steve speaking… to himself? Tony quickened his pace, but the increase in speed must have decreased his sneakiness, because he heard a commotion from the other room and then-

“Tony!”

Oh shit. Oh shit! _Oh shit!_

Tony spun to face Steve, who was emerging from the other room. Tony should run, but the _fight_ reflex was too deeply ingrained in his subconscious and he found himself unable to make himself _move._ It wasn’t as if he could really fight Steve, though. Not when his armor was hidden away in some unknown place. All Tony could do was stand there while Steve stalked over to him, his face contorted with... not rage. Concern, maybe. Confusion. Steve wasn’t enraged. God, compared with Tony he seemed _calm,_ but he’d had weeks to prepare for this, hadn’t he? That seemed unfair.

In the light of day it was clear that Steve had aged as well, but not nearly as much as he should have in thirteen years. Of course. It’s always the evil ones who stay young and beautiful. That seemed very unfair as well.

“Tony are you just leaving? What the hell?” Steve approached him and Tony instinctively jumped back. At once, Steve stopped short. He looked pleadingly at Tony, “Didn’t FRIDAY tell you… about the video? Didn’t you watch it?” Tony’s eyes darted around, searching for escape routes, but any direction he went, Steve would be able to stop him. He was trapped again.

“I saw enough to know that whatever made me forget marrying _you_ ,” Tony snapped, “Was probably a blessing, rather than a curse.”

Steve looked wounded, but didn’t back away. He put his hands on his hips, frustrated, and Tony caught sight of a very thick, very sparkly silver ring on Steve’s left hand. Holy shit, was that the wedding ring Tony had given him? Tony knew himself well enough to know that something _so_ big and _so_ expensive-looking was meant to send a clear message. _Mine._

That made Tony’s head spin, and he barely registered when, in a hushed but firm voice, Steve said, “Tony, you should’ve… you need to know-“

“I don’t! I’m done listening to you, _Rogers_.” Tony barked, his volume rapidly increasing until he found himself shouting, “I don’t care about what the hell you think’s changed in the last thirteen years, but it’s not enough. I don’t want to remember this. I’m _leaving_ , and there’s absolutely nothing here that would _ever_ make me come back!”

From the other room, Tony heard a voice, desperate and- and _small,_ cry out “NO!”

What.

“Shoot.” Steve said under his breath, and just like that, it seemed he no longer cared whether or not Tony left. He turned towards the room he’d just come from, as if to take some preemptive action, but it was too late.

A terrified and sobbing _kid,_ a _little boy_ , burst out of the other room.

_Kid?_

Tony went cold. He was dazed. It was like a bomb had gone off right next him. Who’s kid was this? The child continued to scream, but Tony heard it as if through a tunnel, even as the boy ran towards him and wrapped himself around Tony’s leg. _Whose kid was this? Oh god._

“NO NO NO DON’T GO. WHY YOU AREN’T COMING BACK?” The boy wailed, snapping Tony out of his stupor. His whole tiny body was shaking with sobs, and Tony didn’t know what to do. He stared at the child (?!) while making a few futile attempts to stammer out something comforting, but nothing occurred to him. Panic rose up through his chest and into his throat and the boy sobbed harder, “WHY YOU ARE SO SCARED AND DON’T LOVE ME AMN-ANYMORE? PLEEEASE, DADDY, DON’T GO!”

Tony thought he might throw up or pass out. The world swirled around him. _Daddy_?

“Hey, Pumpkin, don’t cry. It’s okay.” Steve knelt down and carefully tried to peel the child off Tony’s leg, with no success. He just gripped tighter and buried his tear-streaked face in Tony’s pants. Steve sighed and looked up, “Tony, I know you’re confused, but could you please say something?”

“ _Like what?_ ” Tony hissed, trying hard not to let his voice betray his sheer terror.

The boy wailed and threw himself against Steve, who pulled the kid into a hug.

“Aw, hey little buddy. I know everybody is really upset and it’s confusing.” Steve said softly, “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be okay. Daddy might have to go for a little while, but he’s gonna come back. He was just angry when he said he wasn’t.”

Tony clenched his fists. He didn’t want to come back to this place, ever, but the boy… the boy who called him _daddy_ changed everything, didn’t he?

The kid sniffed, “He- he don’t l-love me am-nymore.”

Tony’s heart broke, watching this kid cry. He didn’t deserve to cry like that.

Steve tilted the kid’s chin up and wiped the tears off his cheeks, “Do you remember what we talked about? About how Daddy was gonna forget some things?”

The kid nodded, his sobs subsiding.

“Well, that’s what happened. Daddy forgot a lot of things and he’s very confused.” Steve explained, “You can tell, right? He’s confused.”

The kid nodded again, “Yeah. Confused. And scared. And…” He began to whimper again, “Mad at me.”

“Oh no, not mad at you.” Steve said hastily, and looking pointedly at Tony, “Right, Daddy?”

“What? Yeah! No, of course I’m not mad at you… you.” Tony blurted. It hit him all at once just then. He was a _father_. This boy was his _son._ All the terror he had been feeling was knocked right out of him by a tidal wave of pure, unadulterated _love_ and an overwhelming need to protect this little boy- _his little boy._ Tony crouched down to his level, “It’s okay. Please don’t cry. It’s okay.”

The kid caught his breath and the sobbing slowed almost to a stop. He wiped the tears out of his eyes with pudgy little fists and turned to gaze at Tony, giving Tony his first real look at his son. The boy was preschool age, maybe three or four, with thick brown hair, a round face and a squashed little button nose. It was the eyes, though, that made the whole thing real, undeniable. This kid had Tony’s eyes, _exactly_. It was like looking into a mirror.

He started to smile then, and next thing Tony knew the boy was squealing with delight and wrapping his arms around Tony’s neck, “Daddy! You’re the same again!”

“Of course I’m the same. I’m still your daddy.” Tony said, and slowly he let himself return the hug. He held the kid gingerly, carefully, like he was made of smoke and would disappear. _Daddy._ The word felt foreign in his mouth, but he forced it out anyway. This was so different from helping out at orphanages. This one was his.

“Hey, how about you help Daddy remember you?” Steve interrupted, and Tony felt a stab of resentment that Steve was here, ruining his moment with _his kid._ The boy gasped and looked at Tony quizzically, as if reading his mind. Steve continued, “Tell him your name.”

The kid smirked as if he was getting away with something, “My name is ummm… Eric.”

“ _James_.” Steve corrected, exasperated.

“So are you Eric or James?” Tony asked playfully, directing his attention on the kid- on _James-_ and trying his best to pretend Steve wasn’t there. So, he’d named his son after Rhodey? That made sense. He probably wouldn’t have lived long enough to have this kid if it wasn’t for Rhodey.

James pouted, “It’s James. I was just pretending.”

“Oh, that was good pretending. Sure pulled the wool over your old man’s eyes there.” Tony replied, poking James on his tummy and eliciting a giggle, “How old are you, James?”

“I’m eleven!” James announced, beaming, “I can allowed to drive a car and I can drink coffee!”

“Is that so?” Tony said, holding back a laugh.

“Yeah whenever I want. You said so before you forgot.” James started to bounce, “And I get to have a puppy. And _two kitties_ like Natasha. You said.”

“James, please be honest.” Steve sighed, and Tony shot him a glare.

“I wasn’t fibbing Papa!” James insisted, and Tony felt the smile on his face dissolve, like it had been slapped right off. He was _daddy_ and Steve was apparently _papa_ , “I was just pretending.”

Tony set his jaw. Steve wasn’t going to be anybody’s fucking _papa_ anymore. Not if he had anything to say about it. He grabbed James’ little hand tightly and stood up.

“Oh no! Daddy’s different again!” James told Steve, panicked. It was fine. He could calm the kid down once they were out of this house.

“Tony,” Steve began warily, standing as well, “What are you planning to-“

“I’m leaving and I’m taking _my son_ with me.” Tony spat, then addressed his boy sweetly, “Come on James, I’ll take you to get some ice cream.”

“Nooo I don’t wanna go.” James whined, “Papa’s real scared.”

“Yes. Papa is real scared.” Steve agreed, panic evident in his eyes, “Tony, you don’t understand what’s going on. James has special needs. You don’t know _anything_ about him, Tony, and I’m not gonna let you take my son-“

“He’s not your son, Rogers! I mean, just _look at him._ ” Tony said through gritted teeth, “He’s _obviously_ not _really_ your son.”

The look of hurt on Steve’s face almost made Tony feel guilty.

The next thing Tony knew, he was seeing stars. He’d been hit! A high-pitched noise escaped his lips from the back of his throat as pain shot up through his torso and down through his legs. It was only his intense desire not to collapse in front of Steve that kept his knees from buckling.

“ _James Edwin Stark_ you do _not_ _hit_ your father!” He heard Steve bellow, “What’s gotten into you, young man? That is _unacceptable behavior!”_

Tony blinked until the lights went away. James had punched him right in the balls, probably as hard as his little fist would punch.

“He hitted you first!” James yelled back. Boy, this kid liked to lie, didn’t he? “Daddy’s different now and I don’t like him and _he hitted you first_!”

Tony sucked in a breath and pulled himself up straight. The pain had made him let go of James’ hand, and Steve had taken the opportunity to snatch him out of Tony’s reach. That was okay. At the moment, Tony really felt like Steve could keep him.

“Don’t talk back to me! You’re going into time out.” Steve sounded stern, but he way he picked James up and held him close to his body told Tony that Steve was more concerned with hanging on to James than disciplining him.

“I won’t!” James screamed, “I won’t I won’t I won’t!”

James continued to scream and thrash against Steve, but he was no match for super soldier strength. Steve barely seemed phased as he said, “Tony, if you really want to go, just go.”

Was this a trick? Tony glanced over his shoulder at the door he knew led to the garage, then back at his son, who was trying his best to wriggle out of Steve’s arms.

“You’re not going to stop me?”

Steve screwed up his mouth. “You’re a grown man, Tony, I can’t _make_ you stay. You need to think and you need to feel safe, and wherever you need to do that is fine. I just…” Steve looked pointedly away, “I just hope you think about coming back.”

Tony looked at James, and James glared daggers back at him with Tony’s own eyes. They were sharp daggers, too. Painful.

“We’ll see.” Tony sneered, directing his vitriol right in Steve’s face. Deep down, he knew it was an empty threat. Steve had all the cards now.

Tony took a few steps back, then turned and stormed towards the garage, forcing himself not to look back. This was just a temporary measure, a tactical retreat. All he needed was some time to think. Once he was out of this surreal place, he’d be able to come up with a plan to get his kid away from Steve. He was _not_ abandoning his baby, even if it _felt_ like he was. Like he was neglecting his kid. Like he was _Howard_ …

At the door to the garage, Tony stopped. His hand lingered on the doorknob, and he found himself tapping it absently. There was nothing he could do about all this, not yet anyway. He should just go. Cursing himself, Tony looked back. It was too late. Steve had already taken James away somewhere. Tony opened the door to the garage and walked inside, ignoring the hollow feeling in his chest.

The garage was as packed with cars as Tony expected it to be, given that is was _his_ garage. There were also at least a dozen motorcycles lined up on the far wall. They were expensive bikes, too. Clearly Steve wasn’t shy about spending Tony’s money.

The car nearest the garage door, nearest to freedom, was a shiny blue Maserati. Tony beelined to it and settled himself behind the wheel, but when he tried to start the car he found his hands were shaking. There was no way he could drive in this state. He took some breaths to steady himself, and reminded himself that he was very close to being free of this place. All he had to do was get it together enough to drive away. He checked his mirrors to buy himself a couple seconds, and that’s when he spotted the child’s carseat in the back.

A warm feeling spread through Tony’s chest. He almost got out of the car right then, almost ran back into the house, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. Several minutes passed where all he did was stare at the carseat. This future couldn’t be totally bad, right? Not if Tony had a son. He’d given up on having his own children a long time ago, thought it would never happen, that he didn’t deserve... Everything would be alright now, though. He could figure this out, and in the end he would still have this baby. If nothing else, he had James.

... _James._

The warmth in his chest dissipated.

One name rang in his head.

_James Buchanan Barnes_.

The car and garage disappeared, and Tony couldn’t see anything anymore except _that man’s_ hand around his mother’s throat. Something blocked the air from getting into his lungs, and he gasped futilely. He felt dizzy. That monster’s name was on _his son_. Steve had named _Tony’s_ son after the man who’d killed Tony’s parents.

Tony was alone in the car. Steve wouldn’t win any points if Tony showed weakness now. Tears welled up in his eyes, and Tony didn’t try to stop them from flowing. He just let himself sob into his folded arms propped against the steering wheel. The arc reactor felt so heavy in his chest, dragging him down. Wasn’t there anything in his life that Steve hadn’t tainted?

A few long, agonizing minutes and deep breaths later, and Tony was fine again. He was _fine._

“FRIDAY.” Tony sobbed, then cleared his throat, because he was fine. _Fine._ “FRIDAY, put Rhodey’s address into the GPS.”

FRIDAY obeyed, silently. Rhodey lived a couple hours away, but that was okay. The drive would give Tony time to compose himself, to convince himself he really was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! It's kidfic. Sort of. The kid is not the focus, Steve and Tony's relationship is the focus, but the kid is an important plot device. It's up to you if this is too much childrens for you.  
> And if the kid seems too perceptive for his age... that's not just bad writing. There's a reason for it which will come up later.


	3. Chapter 3

It took a very long time to get out of the woods. Tony drove along winding country roads through forest until the roads started to straighten slightly and the forest was broken up more and more with quaint little houses. Eventually, the houses began to outnumber the trees and Tony found himself in a little rural town, driving along a river. He had no idea where the hell he was. A small town wasn’t really his speed, and quite frankly, it wasn’t Steve’s either. This had to be for the kid. Tony had moved out to the country as part of his desperate attempt to be a father. Ridiculous. The whole thing was ridiculous.

Tony pulled over in front of one of the little houses. He should go back, right? He shouldn’t have left his kid behind in the first place. Right? God, he’d been a dad for an hour and he was already messing up. He had to turn around. He had to go back to the house and get his kid.

He didn’t move.

The plan was to get Rhodey and go back to the house with backup. That wasn’t a bad plan. That wasn’t neglect, or abandonment. It wouldn’t scar James for life if Tony took a few hours… or a few days to figure shit out. It wouldn’t take James 25 years to forgive that… Tony would be _right back._

A chill went up Tony’s spine. What if he came back to an empty house? What if Steve took James and went into hiding? That’s what Steve did, _leave,_ but... he had also asked Tony to come back. He wanted to keep playing house, to go back to their bizarro life together… so he said. It had seemed sincere, but ‘seemed’ was the operative word there. Tony couldn’t take Steve at face value now that he knew the truth. Steve lied. Tony had thought that he knew Steve, knew what kind of man he was. He’d thought they were friends, but Steve lied, and Tony was left thinking he’d never really known Steve at all. The man who had been his friend never really existed; it had all been fake.

Thoughts of fakes and lies and _illusions_ swirled around in Tony’s head, and he found himself thinking of Maximoff. She’d taken Cap’s side in the Civil War, and she was getting stronger and stronger every time Tony visited the compound. Could she… could she have put this scenario in his head? What if it was still 2016 and Tony was hallucinating all this. That would mean James wasn’t even real, just something Maximoff created to sell the illusion. Tony felt like he’d been punched in the chest. He didn’t want that to be true, but the girl was ruthless. She’d do anything to win.

Someone knocked on his window, shaking Tony violently from his thoughts. He jerked his head to see a woman he didn’t recognize staring at him through the glass. She looked concerned. He spent a good while trying to figure out what she wanted before she finally motioned for him to roll down the window, and Tony realized he’d just been staring at her without doing anything.

“Yeah? Can I help you?” Tony said glibly once he rolled the window down, and that was a little rude but… whatever. “I mean. Hey. Hello. Am I violating some kind of town ordinance right now, what’s up?”

“You’ve just been parked outside my house for a while and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” The woman said, then laughed, “I’d feel bad if you were having a heart attack thirty feet from my front door, you know?”

The mention of his heart immediately reminded Tony of the arc reactor sitting heavily in his chest. “Nope. No heart attack yet.” He answered, his voice sounding thin even to himself.

The concern on the woman’s face just deepened. “Well, is everything okay? Do you want to come inside for a little while? I can keep the kids from bothering you if you just need some…” The woman stopped and glanced at the empty carseat in Tony’s car, “Wait, James isn’t with you?”

“He’s at the house.” Tony explained, then, without any provocation, snapped, “Leaving a child at his home where he lives is not exactly parental abandonment here, okay? I’m not a terrible dad just yet!”

The woman was completely taken aback, “What the fuck, Tony.”

Tony rubbed his temples, hard. That was very rude. He was being very rude because this person was invading his crisis with her concern and weird, unfamiliar familiarity. “I’m sorry. That was unnecessary.” He said. “I’m having a weird day and I’m taking it out on you. I’m sorry.”

“Okay… uh.” She still sounded hurt and a little mad, “Maybe I should call Steve-“

The tires squealed as Tony stepped hard on the gas and peeled away, accelerating at a rate most people would have considered unsafe on these country roads. All Tony could think about were the alarm bells ringing in his head at the thought that Steve might come after him and drag him back to his house.

The further Tony got from Steve and his weird little town, the safer he felt. The cold, clammy feeling on the back of his neck ebbed, but even the peaceful drive along winding country roads wasn’t enough to completely quiet his mind. Tony fully expected driving on the interstate to be infuriating, but he was shocked to find that people in the future were better drivers. Or, no. As Tony noticed more and more people in the driver’s seat watching movies or putting on makeup, he realized that most of the cars were self-driving.

“FRIDAY, unmute.” Tony ordered, clutching the steering wheel. “Tell me Hammer Industries isn’t in the self-driving car business.”

“‘Fraid so, Boss.” FRIDAY answered. “But I’m not detecting any vehicles using Hammertech on this stretch of highway. Want me to tailor our route so we avoid Hammertech cars in the future?”

“Sounds good.” Tony agreed. He tried not to think about dying in a car crash and leaving his only son alone. “Mmmmaybe we should call Rhodey. Let him know I’m headed over.”

Rhodey picked up the phone almost immediately. “Hey man, you good?”

“Not so much, babe.” Tony replied. “I’m guessing you knew I was gonna pull a _50 First Dates,_ yeah?”

“I knew.”

“Okay, well, it happened.” Tony explained. “I’ve loaded from a very old save. Very old, Rhodey. And speaking of old, am I allergic to hair dye? Because otherwise I don’t get the motivation behind the salt and pepper thing. Makes me look old. Which, I guess I am. Shit. I’m _old_.”

“You know I’m still older than you, right?” Rhodey grumbled on the other end of the line. “Anyway, I’m- uh. I’m up to speed. Siberia’s pretty recent for you right now, right?”

Sweat appeared on the steering wheel under Tony’s hands, and the clammy feeling returned in full force.

“Tony?”

“How do you know already?” Tony demanded, sounding too much like a cornered animal for his own liking. “The only person who knows…”

“He called me.” Rhodey explained. “He’s freaking out. I don’t know who else he’s told.”

“You’re just chatting with each other now? Okay.” Tony tried to force himself to take steady breaths.

“Come on, dude. You’re my best friend, so yeah. I am on speaking terms with your husband and the father of your child.”

“He’s not- _I’m_ the father of my child.” Tony corrected. “Oh, jesus, my _kid_ , my child, I have- I’m a- Rhodey I have a child.” Tony felt dizzy, and he was grateful he had FRIDAY to keep the car on the road.

Tony could hear the smile in Rhodey’s voice. “Yeah. You do.”

“I named him after you. Isn’t that fantastic? God, and he looks just like me, Rhodey.” Tony gushed. “But he’s adorable. And smart. You should’ve heard him trying to get stuff out of me this morning. He could be president with those negotiation skills.”

“I heard he punched you.” Rhodey pointed out in that half-scolding way of his.

“Great arm.” Tony agreed. “Channel that into tossing a football or, heck, if the kid likes punching he could be a boxer. I might have a little athlete on my hands. Did you ever imagine me raising an athlete?”

Rhodey laughed. “Are you sure you got amnesia because you sound to me like you didn’t miss a beat.”

“That’s my kid. I can’t stop saying it. I _held_ him I-“ Tony stopped for a moment and felt his smile disappear. “Rhodey... is this real? Because sometimes it feels like a dream and if I wake up… and there’s no baby.”

“It’s real. Tony. It’s real. Trust me.” Rhodey said. He didn’t have any proof, and it was exactly the kind of thing he _would_ say if he was part of the illusion but… it was Rhodey. Tony did trust him. He couldn’t help it. His shoulders untensed as if Rhodey had actually lifted the weight from them. The nagging feeling that there was something witchy going on ebbed, but did not disappear.

“You still there?” Rhodey asked.

“Yeah, just driving. My exit’s coming up. Also I can’t believe you moved back to Philly.” Tony said. “I get that it’s not your fault you were born there, but to actually go back voluntarily is beyond my capacity for understanding.”

“I’m gonna move past that as though you didn’t say anything to me.” Rhodey replied. “I wanted to let you know I’m getting texts from Happy and... Pepper. They’re on their way over too. How do  you want me to play this? I could tell them not to come or…”

Or just tell Pepper. She was the issue. Tony had, from his perspective, just ended a five-year relationship with her. They thought he wasn’t over it… and he wasn’t.

“I wanna see them.” Tony said.

“We can take it slow, Tony.” Rhodey cautioned.

“Have you met me?” Tony countered. “No. I wanna see them.”

It didn’t take too much longer before Tony was pulling in front of Rhodey’s building, and in the meantime he and Rhodey hadn’t said much more of any consequence. There was only so much Tony could take when it came to discussing his condition or his needs or his _feelings_ before he just wanted to hear Rhodey talk about advances in aeronautics and the latest moon landing.

“FRIDAY find someplace to park.” Tony ordered as he stepped out of the car. He shut the door and the car pulled off by itself. Rhodey lived in some ritzy place in one of the parts of Philadelphia that actually looked decent, but it was still Philly. Tony didn’t manage to avoid the fanatical guy handing out pamphlets on the sidewalk.

“Sir, are you aware of the Mutant threat to our society?” The man with the pamphlets barked, “Your family isn’t safe, no human is. They’ve already started infiltrating our homes with their insidious Mutant breeding programs…”

“Wow, that’s fascinating.” Tony agreed dully without affording the man so much as a glance. When he got to the door of the building he asked the doorman, “Has he been bothering a lot of people around here?”

The doorman shrugged, “I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Some of them can pass for human, but they’re not human!” Tony heard the man say as he ducked inside, “Remember that! They’re not even human!”

Realizing there was still a pamphlet in his hands, Tony tossed it in the garbage without reading a word before stepping into an elevator and taking it up to Rhodey’s floor. He was knocking on the door before he knew it. Was he knocking too long? Too hard? Too frantically? Tony forced himself to stop.

When Rhodey opened the door, finally, it was almost more of a shock than Tony seeing himself as an old man. Rhodey was old too, his hair completely gray, but he was standing. He could walk. That was a second thing about the future that didn’t totally suck.

Rhodey’s expression went completely soft. “Hey Tony.” was all he said before taking Tony by the shoulders and pulling him into a hug. Tony sighed and sunk into Rhodey’s chest. Finally, he felt safe.

“You can walk. Holy shit Rhodey.”

“Yeah, man. Of course I can walk.” Rhodey laughed, “You think Tony Stark is gonna let his best friend sit around? Come on. We’re superheroes, we got shit to do.”

“Tony.”

A third person’s voice startled Tony; he hadn’t realized that anyone but he and Rhodey were in the apartment. It was Pepper’s voice. She was here. Tony looked up and saw both her and Happy standing in Rhodey’s apartment, concern written all over their faces.

“How did you get here first?” Tony asked, incredulous.

Pepper smiled. She looked older too, her face lined but still beautiful. “Tony, do you really think I wouldn’t helicopter in to see you when you need me?”

There was just barely enough time for Tony to feel his cheeks heat before Rhodey and Happy both jumped in.

“I also cared about you enough to ride in the helicopter.” Happy said at the same time as Rhodey was saying, “Everyone here is here for you, in the same way, all three of us.”

“Alright ok consider me babysat.” Tony snipped defensively.

Pepper visibly winced. “I should probably go.” She said, but didn’t make any move to leave.

“Please don’t.” Tony asked. “ _All three of you_ are the most important people in my life. I need you right now.”

The room seemed to relax then, and Tony continued with more confidence. “There’s so much to do. I don’t have a phone, or any of my contacts, and I gotta call my lawyer so I can set up this divorce.”

The room very much did not relax then. Everyone started talking at once. Tony stood there, shocked, because he had kind of expected his announcement to be a little better received. Hadn’t they all hated Steve right along with him? Didn’t they want him gone just as badly as Tony did?

A nervous laugh escaped his lips, and Tony struggled to hold back more. It was no use. It wasn’t long before he felt himself giggling uncontrollably, like a man possessed. Everyone stopped talking at him, so that was good. It was all he could do not to throw up on Rhodey’s carpet when he doubled over, shaking with laughter, the arc reactor tugging heavily on his chest and reminding him painfully that it was still there. His eyes were full of tears, so he didn’t see Rhodey as he put a hand on Tony’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, dude. You’re gonna be okay.”

Tony managed to stand.

“Okay. Maybe consider taking some deep breaths,” Rhodey suggested gently.

“Do I seem manic?” Tony felt a little manic.

“There are strong overtones of mania.” Rhodey answered.

Just like that, Tony was laughing again, and pacing around the room so he didn’t fall over. Or was the room moving around him?

“Oh god, you guys like him, don’t you?” Tony said, and it came out as an accusation. “You haven’t just been pretending to like him because I married him. You actually like him. Tell me you’re not… _friends_.”

Rhodey, Pepper and Happy all looked at each other with varying degrees of awkwardness and panic. Tony slumped into Rhodey’s sofa, suddenly dizzy.

“If you don’t like him, we don’t like him.” Happy announced suddenly. Pepper and Rhodey shot him a look and he shrugged. Then they shot each other a look and shrugged. Tony felt like he was watching a species of alien who only communicated through awkwardness.

“Right. We don’t like Steve anymore.” Pepper agreed, a little stilted. “Not that we liked him before.”

“Hey, remember when Tony threw that charity dinner.” Rhodey began. “And he picked fights with three different senators.”

“Oh! I could have killed him!.” Pepper seethed, and it wasn’t stilted at all. Rhodey had struck a nerve, apparently.

“And he’s always giving me shit for being in the Air Force. One time he called the Army ‘the real military’ and it wasn’t even banter.” Rhodey continued. “He just genuinely thinks that.”

“When you wanted to move out of Brooklyn he refused to leave New York.” Pepper said. “Remember what he kept saying?”

In unison, all three said “‘There are no good bagels.’” And Pepper rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. It was weird to see her do that over somebody besides Tony himself.

“All his shirts are so tight. As if we don’t already know he can lift a truck.” Happy said. “I’m like, we get it! You’re buff.”

“In his defense, that’s gotten much worse since Tony started buying clothes for him.” Pepper pointed out. Tony winced, but it made sense. Steve, for all his faults, looked good in some shirts. Probably didn’t look half bad out of them…

Tony physically shook his head, as if that would get those traitorous thoughts out of his traitor brain. _This is how you ended up married to an asshole._

“He can be a real asshole.” It was as if Rhodey had read his mind. “I mean, for a guy who hates rules he’s got a real stick up his…”

Rhodey stopped and his eyes went wide.

“His ass?” Tony finished, and it was only after he said it that he realized. “Oh. It’s awkward now because I’m the stick.”

Pepper shook her head. “Oh my god.”

“You don’t even like him anymore and you’re still bragging about sleeping with him.” Happy said, sounding exhausted.

Tony laughed, but this time it wasn’t panicked, frightened laughter. For the first time all day he felt normal. Getting grief from these three was familiar, felt more like real life and not some strange nightmare.

“Hey. I uh…” Tony began, addressing Pepper and Happy. “I’m sorry I never told you. About being… you know... cross-platform compatible.” It still felt too weird to say the b-word. Or p-word or… whatever the word was. Tony didn’t even know.

“Tony, you-“ Pepper began, starting towards him and then stopping awkwardly and hovering for a moment before she finally decided to sit on the sofa with Tony, but far enough from him that they weren’t touching. “You _did_ tell us.”

“Yeah, I did. But _I_ didn’t.” Tony looked down into his fidgeting hands. “I just didn’t think it was important. I had… a thing with a guy… back in the nineties and it ended poorly. To say the least. So after that I was pretty much done. With guys. It just all felt like a weird thing from my past that I didn’t have to tell anybody.”

“You didn’t have to tell anybody.” Pepper insisted.

“You could have told me.” Happy interjected, earning glares from the other two. “I’m just saying. I could have kept it secret.”

“Your secret keeping capabilities were never in question, Hap.” Tony said. “Not that they’re necessary, now that I’ve been outed to the entire planet and random strangers I’ve never met know something about me that I wasn’t even comfortable telling my closest friends.” He heard the manic laugh start to slip out again, but reined it in.

“I’m sorry, Tony.” Rhodey said. “Maybe it won’t make you feel any better, but it’s not the 90s anymore. It’s not even 2016 anymore. Nobody really cares at this point.”

There was nothing Tony could do, and he hated that he had to admit it, but it was true. A piece of his mask had been torn away, and he felt exposed. “At any rate, it’s too late to put the genie back in the bottle.” Even Tony knew there was no fixing it, no way to regain control. He was just... out.

“Anyway.” Tony continued to fill the uncomfortable silence. Just as there was nothing he could do, there was nothing his friends could say that would make him feel better. “As much as I appreciate you trash talking Steve for me, the truth is you don’t want me to get a divorce.”

Again, there was a long, heavy pause, which told Tony everything he needed to know. Every fiber of his being wanted to rebel against this, to wrest back control of his life, to extricate himself from this person who he hated, but… he had to trust these people. If not them, then who? He certainly couldn’t trust himself. Wasn’t that the whole point of signing the Accords?

“I don’t wanna have to call your lawyer with this.” Happy began explaining. “It’d piss her off and… I don’t like her when she’s angry.”

“I’d be angry too if I had to negotiate a divorce for a billionaire who didn’t get a prenupt.” Pepper muttered. “I’m sure... someone could have told you to get a prenupt, but why would you listen to her?”

“You have permission to say I told you so.” Tony offered.

“And it doesn’t make sense to just give up on 13 years of your life, Tony.” Pepper added, ignoring his quip. “I’m not saying go back to him tomorrow or anything, but we need Steve to get your memories back.”

Tony scoffed. “You really buy that ‘true love’s kiss’ bullshit?”

“Did you even watch the video you gave yourself?” Pepper asked.

“Everyone’s so concerned about the video.” Tony moaned. “I watched… most of it. I got the highlights.”

“Just trust us, ok? We went to the Sorcerer Supreme with this and he reverse-engineered the whole spell.” Rhodey said. “He’s not into pranks, so if he says it’s this corny shit with magic kisses, that’s what it is.”

“I hate that.” Tony said. “And I hate that the ‘Sorcerer Supreme’ is a thing. He sounds like a limited edition Halloween cheeseburger.”

Rhodey laughed. “Jeez- _don’t_ ever tell him that. He’ll turn _you_ into a Halloween cheeseburger.”

Tony sighed. “I just… really don’t want to go back to him. I’m so- I can’t even _look_ at him, I’m so angry. I don’t get how I got from here, hating him and not trusting him and being afr- wary. Being wary of him, to marrying him. I made him a _baby_ at some point. I made a baby for someone who I wouldn’t piss on if he was on fire. Please tell me how that happened.”

“Time.” Pepper said, looking defeated. “When this all happened the first time you had years to calm down before you had to see Steve again.”

Tony felt dizzy, but he was already sitting down. “Years?”

“Yeah, this is definitely the worst case scenario.” Happy added. “I mean, when we were going over scenarios of how this could go down, we all agreed this would be the hardest to-“

“Happy how about you take five on that expert level comforting.” Rhodey interrupted.

“I’m letting him know we talked about all of this beforehand. What’s not comforting about that?”

Years. Oh god. What if it took _years_ to settle all this? Years of Tony feeling out of place. And where would he go in the meantime? When would he get to see his son?

“You just need some time to chill out and get used to the world as it is.” Rhodey said, and he wandered into his kitchen. “You’re here and you’re safe. There’s no pressure to make any decisions about anything right now. Have you eaten yet today? You should eat.”

“If I eat I’ll puke.” Tony insisted futilely, but he heard Rhodey check his fridge anyway.

Rhodey just wanted to help. He wanted Tony to eat, which was good. The words ‘right now‘ rattled around in Tony’s skull. Rhodey also wanted Tony to become the person he’d turned into in the last 13 years, and Tony could hardly blame him for that. Rhodey wanted his best friend back, not the ghost of his best friend past: a person he barely remembered from the ancient year of 2016. Tony, as he was, didn’t belong with these people. He was out of date. Obsolete.

“I need a sec. I’ll be in the hall.” Tony announced as he stood and ran out the door.

Next thing he knew, he was pressed against the wall in the hallway, taking deep, measured breaths so he didn’t hyperventilate and pass out. He needed to run, but there was nowhere to run. He wanted to fight, but there was nobody to fight. All the agitation was building inside him and he felt shaky. His vision blurred and narrowed. He heard the apartment door open.

“What’s the past tense of ‘Rip Van Winkle?’” Tony asked, not even looking up to see who had come to collect him.

“Tony...” It was Pepper.

“Do you think like ‘Rip Van Winkled?’ ‘Ripped Van Winkle?” He continued. “Rip Van Wunkle?”

She huffed. “Are you done deflecting?”

“Am I ever?” Tony looked up and, damn it, why did she have to look at him like that? Softly, patiently, liked she loved him. Well, maybe she did love him, but apparently not in the way Tony wanted her to.

“I’ve just got this very square-peg-round-hole feeling, and I guess I thought…” Tony began. “I thought I’d come here, to you three, these constant points in my life, and find a square hole, but why would I? You’re people and you moved on. _With_ me, but without the me that’s me… I’m saying you’re also part of this round-hole world and you want me to be round too and, honestly if I could snap my fingers and go back to being the guy who doesn’t feel awful in this weird future, I would. But I can’t. I’m trapped and I can’t give you your friend back.”

“You _are_ my friend.” Pepper began, and she reached out and touched his arm reassuringly, and that felt real. “You always have been.”

“Last thing I remember, we weren’t friends.” Tony mentioned, unwisely judging by Pepper’s very uncomfortable reaction. “We _just_ broke up.”

She was agonizingly quiet when she said. “I know.”

“It’s… it is what it is. I’m over it. Getting over it.” Tony tried to dial it back, because the last thing he wanted was to make Pepper feel cornered. “I’m just not at a point where I’m ready to see other people, and you want me to be _married_ to other people-“

“I want you to be happy.” Pepper corrected. “I want you to take things as slow as you need. I want you to stop feeling scared and alone, and if that means going back to Steve or moving on from him, you’ve got me on your side.”

Tony nodded, feeling a little more like he was the right shaped peg.

“I guess you probably need a little more closure than we’re going to get in this hallway.” Pepper sighed. “I wish I didn’t have to keep breaking up with you.”

All that came out of Tony’s mouth was a short, sardonic laugh. Was he ready for that? Closure? The end of this?

Pepper waited a few seconds for him to respond, and when it became obvious that he wasn’t going to, that he couldn’t, she continued. “We could take a walk? Maybe talk some things out?”

“Yeah, ok.”

He let Pepper guide him down the hall and back to the elevator. Her hand rested gently on his arm, and it was so easy and natural. Tony doubted she even realized she was touching him.

While riding the elevator down, she gave his arm a comforting squeeze, “You’re going to be okay. We’ll help you figure this out.” She smiled reassuringly. It was nice.

Then, like an asshole, he blurted out. “Are we sure I can’t just kiss _you_ and get it over with?”

Pepper frowned deeply. So much for not making her feel cornered.

“Tony… before all this happened, you were very adamant that kissing me wouldn’t work.” Pepper said, “It was a little hurtful.”

“Oh.”

“You apologized.” Pepper sighed. “But Tony, it would only work if… you’re telling me that you’re still in love with me.”

“That’s not what I said.” Tony corrected, humiliation burning in his chest.

“Well, that’s the only way the counterspell would work! The thing is-”

“No, that’s, I didn’t mean-“

“Could you let me finish, please-“

“I just feel like you’re twisting what I said and putting words in my-“

“Tony!” Pepper barked, then added more softly, “I was too.”

Tony blinked. “What.”

“I’m saying it wasn’t just you, ok? We were in love fifteen years ago. We were in love for a really long time and it was important to me, too. Just because it wasn’t forever…” She huffed. “What you need right now is the forever kind of love. I’m just not the one you picked for that. We never did end up getting married.”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Tony said, hands fidgeting in his pockets.

“You should not have.” Pepper agreed.

If Tony could crawl into a hole and live there for the rest of his life, he probably would have in the silence that followed.

“We got back together for a little while after… after what happened, happened.” Pepper continued, much to Tony’s surprise. The elevator stopped and they stepped off and headed for the door, “You needed me, and it was an easy habit to fall into, but… we were just dragging the end out, really. It just made things worse when they did finally fall apart.”

“What did I do?”

Pepper sighed, seeming a little frustrated, as Tony opened the front door for her.

“I mean it, Pep. I just gotta know what I did. How did I mess this up?” Tony pleaded. “That’s what we’re doing right now, isn’t it? Closure?”

“Tony…” She began, and there was pity in her tone. She stopped, however, when she noticed the nutcase with the pamphlets still heckling people outside, chasing passers-by and babbling to them about “the very real mutant threat to human society.”

Pepper’s face turned redder than her hair. She marched over the man and furiously snatched the pamphlets out of his hand.

“You can’t be here.” She insisted with a kind of ferocity Tony very rarely saw in her. “Go back into whatever hole you crawled out of before I call security.”

“I’m not gonna let a mutie sympathizer stop me from getting the truth out.” The pamphlet guy sneered. “I have rights.”

The guy was getting way too close to Pepper for comfort, and Tony immediately moved to step between them as she hissed, “Well, I have very good lawyers and I’m willing to bet I can get away with assault..”

The guy seemed like he was about to respond, but Tony stepped in.

“Alright. Get lost, creep.” Tony said, using his body as a barrier between Pepper and the nutcase, though who he was protecting from whom Tony wasn’t sure anymore.

The man’s eyes widened, “Oh it’s you! Iron Man!” He got up in Tony’s face, gesturing accusingly. “The Avengers used to care about humanity, but now you protect that mutant bitch-“

“I said it’s time to go.” Tony insisted more forcefully, “Or do you want to find out if my friend here can really kick your ass? I once saw her kick a missile into a guy, so I wouldn’t take chances.”

Pepper must have looked pretty scary, because the man did end up retreating, muttering to himself as he did so. Tony turned to see how she was doing, but by the time he turned around she was already berating the doorman.

“Why didn’t you call security and have him removed from the premises?” She demanded.

The doorman rolled his eyes. “He’s allowed to speak his mind, isn’t he?”

Pepper looked like she might punch him, but instead just said, voice shaky, “I’m going to make sure you lose your job. That’s not acceptable.”

There were tears in her eyes when she stalked over to Tony. He wanted to offer some consolation, but she dragged him away before he could open his mouth.

“I can’t be right here right now.” She whispered.

For a few silent moments they walked away from the building before Tony got the nerve to ask.

“Pep… what does ‘mutant’ mean?”

“Tony! You had one job! All you had to do was watch a video.” Pepper snapped. Apparently she was still on edge.

“I woke up with the world’s strangest bedfellow, okay?” He shot back. “I was a little stressed out.”

Pepper softened ever so slightly. “There’s no going back now, I guess. You just do or don’t do whatever you want, and now you don’t know-” She exhaled sharply and blinked away the frustrated tears still threatening to fall. “There are people now who are born with powers. And there are other people who hate them for it.”

“Yeah, we had those in 2016.” Tony said. “But they were called Inhumans…”

“I don’t know the difference, honestly.” Pepper replied. “It’s all the same problems, though. The same people trying to say that only humans have human rights. The same hate, the same violence and… I’m not saying we didn’t care before, about the Inhumans, but we care a lot more now.” Her lip quivered for a second, then stopped. “It’s personal for us now.”

“What changed?” Tony asked, but Pepper just shook her head.

“Not out here.” She repeated. “We can’t be sure who’s listening.”

Tony bit back frustration. He hated that there were now secrets about himself, _from_ himself, hated more than anything that Pepper wasn’t being completely forthcoming about something which _pertained to him,_ but… she seemed like she had a reason. She didn’t just decide not to tell him because she didn’t _feel_ like it. Like some kind of… like some kind of _huge_ asshole.

It wasn’t until Pepper put her hand back on his arm that he realized his fists were clenched and he was gritting his teeth.

“Talk to me.” She offered, but Tony just shrugged.

“Just been a while since I saw you threaten someone. And it’s been about never since I saw you threaten someone with actual physical violence.” Tony tried to come off as nonchalant. “I’m starting to wonder if I should have let you put the beat down on that guy.”

Pepper rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Tony… You didn’t screw this up.”

Tony paused for a second. “Sorry. What didn’t I screw up?”

“Us.” Pepper explained. “You asked before how you screwed things up between us. You didn’t.”

“Oh jesus, Pep.” Tony complained. “I wasn’t expecting to get the it’s-not-you-it’s-me shpiel.”

“Don’t get me wrong. It was you.” Pepper shot back. “But it wasn’t something you did _wrong_. It just… we wanted different…” She sighed and stopped slightly ahead of Tony. She laid a hand on his chest, right over the glowing arc reactor, stopping him as well. “I could live with you Tony, but I can’t live with this.”

“I don’t want this in me.” Tony explained. Just the fact that Pepper had pointed it out made Tony agonizingly aware that he was breathing around it.

“Yes you do. You put it there.” Pepper said, and her tone was soft and comforting. She tapped the front of the reactor. “It’s a housing unit for nanoparticles. This is your suit.”

Tony touched the reactor _-housing unit-_ gingerly. This was his suit? He let his touch linger on the device, and it must have been the longest time he’d made contact since waking up that morning, because after a few seconds he felt it hum to life.

Suddenly, it wasn’t like a cold, metal weight anymore, but a part of him, like another organ, warm and vibrating in tune with his pulse, his breathing. It felt like it belonged there.

Tony gasped. “Why is that _ever_ turned off?”

“You turn it off when you sleep.” Pepper answered. “It’s a safety precaution.”

The memory of waking up to one of his own suits, an extension of himself, with a hand wrapped around Pepper’s throat flashed like a grenade in Tony’s memory. Hearing her choke… _hearing her choke..._

Tony had to take deep breaths, to focus on what was in front of him and not get sucked back into bad memories and dark thoughts.

“I couldn’t give up the suit.” Tony concluded. “You’re telling me then when it came down to it, I chose being Iron Man over… over us. Is that what you’re saying? Is that what I did?”

“Why do you always paint yourself as this big, selfish ball of destruction just careening into people’s lives. Come here.” Pepper sighed as she led him behind a bus stop to a patch of sidewalk that wasn’t getting much foot traffic. “What do you think your options were? You can’t stop being Iron Man. It’s part of you. It’s _literally_ a part of your body.” She smacked him lightly on the chest as if willing him to understand. “I thought it was just a toy when we were together. Like some kind of mid-life crisis thing, and you’d outgrow it. Or an addiction you’d, I don’t know, recover from...”

“It wasn’t like that-”

“I know.” Pepper said. “ _Now_. I know now. It took some time, but I realized I was asking you to give up part of yourself. I didn’t want to be the bad guy, Tony. I didn’t want to force you to be less you. I like you.”

Tony swallowed. “Just not this part of me.” He said, gesturing to the device softly glowing in his chest.

Pepper was silent for a long time, face pinched like she was in pain.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” She said, finally. “I said I can’t _live_ with it. It’s been 20 years, and I still think every time you fly off in that suit, it’s going to be the last time I see you.”

“You could have a little more faith in my abilities.” Tony started.

“It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter how good you are. I can’t stop thinking that one day it _is_ going to be the last time!” Pepper insisted. “I love you, Tony. You are such an amazing person, and you can’t stop being a hero, and that isn’t wrong. I just couldn’t build a life around a hero. It’s too much.”

What she was saying made sense, but it hurt all the same. If there really wasn’t any way for Pepper to be happy while Tony had his suits… what could he do? He had _tried_ so many times not to be Iron Man anymore, to settle down, to be the man Pepper needed. It didn’t matter. Apparently, he just wasn’t.

Apparently, he was the man _Steve_ needed. Fuck. What did that say about him?

“So what you’re saying.” Tony measured his words, kept the hurt inside. “Is that it’s not me, it’s y-”

Pepper shot him a look and he stopped.

“We’re still friends.” _At least_ Tony thought. It was over between him and Pepper, and he had to accept that. “Thank god I didn’t-” _don’t say ‘screw that up too’_ “Lose you. Can’t lose you.”

“You won’t. Not ever.” Pepper said, and she sounded so sure, like it was the only truth in the universe. “You’re all I have too, remember?”

Tony did remember. It was oddly comforting. No matter what form it took, they still loved each other. There was no Tony Stark without Pepper Potts, and if Pep was still around, Tony felt a little more like himself.

“Let’s go back inside. You really should eat.” Pepper decided, and together they headed back to the apartment.

Rhodey made lunch, and as usual, Tony didn’t realize he was starving until after he started eating. Usually he had FRIDAY to remind him to eat, but with her muted and Tony’s mind on... other things, he’d let the self-care routine he’d developed since Afghanistan lapse. He knew how lucky he was to have people, _these people,_ looking out for him when his brain was too full of chaos and fear to really look out for himself. If not for them, the only person he’d have to help him right now would be Steve.

Which would be terrible. It would.

Except, when the Avengers were together and active, Steve had always been there when someone on the team obviously needed help. When Nat had flashbacks, when Bruce felt out of control, when Clint lost somebody, when Thor was lonely, Steve was at their side. Later, when it was Vision and… and Maximoff who needed help, Steve was almost a father to them, despite only being a few years older than the little witch himself. Maybe Steve helping him actually _wouldn’t_ be completely awful, in practice, and that was almost worse. If Steve had just always been terrible, if he and Tony had never really been friends, what he’d done wouldn’t hurt this much.

While Tony picked at leftovers, the other three idly discussed some of the basics from the last 13 years. It was better to focus on that than to think about Steve. He thought about Steve too much, and been doing so well before he woke up married to the guy. Bad habit. Unhealthy.

Happy, Pepper and Rhodey weren’t exactly giving a comprehensive lesson, though. Each just brought up whatever they thought was pertinent in whatever order occurred to them on the spot, but Tony absorbed it all as best he could. He had to start catching up somehow. Mentally, he made a list of all the new players they mentioned.

Carol Danvers seemed cooler and cooler the more she was described. She was on their side. Norman Osborn, a bad man with worse hair, was not. Peter Quill (they kept calling him ‘space-Tony’, much to Earth-Tony’s chagrin) tended to stay out of Earth business, but when he was around he was a friend. The Mandarin, the _real_ Mandarin, was not just a bad guy, but maybe the _worst_ guy. Namor was half mermaid, half douchebag, and was on their side as often as he wasn’t. Professor Xavier could read minds, and mutants tended to see him as some kind of messiah.

“Good guy then.” Tony spoke up for the first time in a while when he heard that. “We’re on mutant’s side because of that thing.” He pointed to Pepper. “The thing you were saying. That thing.”

Happy straightened up where he was sitting. “You didn’t tell him outside, did you?”

“Of course not!” Pepper replied.

“And you didn’t say anything suspicious?” Happy said, clearly in full forehead-of-security mode. “Because a little suspicion is all it takes with these people-”

“Happy nobody is going to know.” Pepper huffed.

“I’m just saying-”

“I’ve kept this secret for his entire life I’m not-”

“I don’t think you are but-”

Tony jumped in “Oh, woah, hey. I get it. Someone we know is secretly a mutant.” He swallowed down the part of himself that wanted to know everything, that wanted to have all the information. “If it’s such a big secret, don’t even tell me. God knows I understand not wanting to be forcibly outed to the whole world.”

“Well, actually, Tony. You kinda need to know.” Rhodey said. “It’s your son.”

Tony froze, and the forkful of leftover takeout which had been on it’s way to his mouth splattered onto his plate. Like a switch being flipped, the vitriol of the pamphlet guy outside and the indifference of the doorman took on a much more vibrant shade of wrong. Injustice, conceptually, was bad, terrible, but a distant kind of bad. A bad you could pack up and put away if it got too heavy. This. This specific injustice directed towards the doe-eyed preschooler who called him ‘Daddy’ slammed into Tony. It got into every inch of him and clung tight.

Fists clenched in his hair, Tony stood, not quite knowing why. He was keyed up now, itching to protect someone who was out of reach. Implications flooded his head, thoughts of dedicated task forces and special underwater prisons, people afraid of his kid for being born.

“I should have watched the whole video.” He gasped, spinning around to look out the window. Which way was north? Which direction did he need to fly to get to his son?

“Tony, it’s okay-”

“How do I make this the suit?” Tony demanded, directing the question at his own chest. “I have to get home. You have roof access right? No, wait. Forget the roof.” He opened the window he’d been looking out of.

“Tony.”

Tony flexed and unflexed his hands, jerking his body and trying to will his armor to manifest itself. He had designed the damn thing, why wasn’t it intuitive?

“Ok you look a little ridiculous right now.” Rhodey stood and made his way over to where Tony was twitching. “You don’t need to jet home this exact second. James is fine.”

Tony reached under his shirt to feel around for a button of some kind, some way to turn it on. “I gotta get home. He’s not safe. He’s a-”

“A mutant. Yeah.” Rhodey agreed. “And he’s been that way almost five years. He’s in the safest place on earth. You being away for a few weeks isn’t the end of the world.”

Tony swayed on his feet, unable to stay still with so much energy built up. It was impossible that _anywhere_ could be ‘the safest place on earth’ as long as Steve was living there. “Weeks?” Tony gasped, clutching his chest and… oh! He’d figured it out.

“Yeah, I mean obviously you can stay with me as long as you need.” Rhodey offered. “It’ll be like when we were kids.”

“And as much as I appreciate that, I’m not a kid.” Tony countered. He tapped the arc reactor twice, because _obviously_ that was how he activated the armor, and felt a blanket of cool liquid metal pour across his body, spilling out of his chest and solidifying around him. “I _have_ a kid. Weeks is too long.”

“Okay, a few days then.” Rhodey tried. “Hell, take an hour and think things through before you go kick the door down in your own house.”

“I’m gonna think things through.” Tony explained, but Happy and Pepper were already standing and all three of them were shooting each other frantic glances. If Tony stayed any longer, they were going to try and talk him out of going back to his kid, and frankly, they’d talked enough. It was time to act. “It’ll take 20 minutes for me to get home. That’s more than enough time for me to come up with a plan. I’m very smart.”

With that, Tony tossed himself out the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a minute, huh?


End file.
